Honestly speaking, i've been a little bit down here.i know its new year already, i have to move on.
Too much dreams that i never get a chance to accomplish.dream just dream.no reality.
For this year, maybe i have to think other people first.i just cant let it go cause i didnt hv any confident and i dont know what to do.stuck in the box , seeking for a chance to continue my life.what a life???
I need to travel.alone.
I miss u but I've been forgotten about u.
I love u but I never care what u do.
I love being near to you but I scared enough to look at you directly.
I love to hear your voice but I hate it when you talk to other people
I love the way you are but I'm not deserved for you
Seems like all of this is just dream
Entah berapa kali aku dah cakap yang hidup ni membosankan..trapped in this world..mana aku pergi, apa aku buat, semua jadi persoalan.
Dan entah berapa kali aku cakap yang aku nak sangat lari dari dunia ni.
Tengok macam senanglah
Tengok macam mudahla
Hakikatnya apa yang kau tau
Lagi...entah berapa kali aku dah nangis dalam diam..
Diam-diam itu sangat menyakitkan
Itu kau buat, ini kau buat
Tak buat..
Dipersoalkan juga.
Aku dah putus asa.
Selalu aku rasa yang aku tak layak untuk dapat semua tu suatu hari nanti.
Sebab tu aku malas nak buat.
Sebab tu aku berfikiran nak lari dari tempat ni
Takpun berfikiran nak tunggu mati je.
Aku nak sangat keluar dari tempat ni
Tapi
Tunggulah sampai aku dah takda orang nak dirisaukan...
Biar lari ke penghujung dunia sekalipun
Biar aku sampai dah tak larat
Biar bersendiri
Bersendiri
Sebab aku memang tak layak nak berdua
Apatah lagi bertiga
Lagipun aku tak perlu nak fikir perasaan orang lain.
Tengok
Sikit lagi aku nangis
Dada pun sakit menahan
Sakit hati aku
Tapi
Apa boleh aku buat
Semua yang indah itu hanya imaginasi sahaja
Mimpi indah
Hanyut didalamnya...
I was stucked in here
And I dont know what to do
Seem like I dont have life
It was bored and dull
No happiness
Stressed.
Trapped.
Urghhh.
If I were alone
It's easy
I dont need to care other person's heart.
Do whatever I love to
Ingat benda tu semudah abc ke?
Jangan cakaplah kalau sekadar omongan murahan.
Kau siapa?
Perkecilkan hak orang lain sesuka hati bagai dunia ni kau yang punya.
1 2 3.sebut senanglah.
Definisi di sebalik yang tersirat,
Dapat kau rungkaikan?
Sebab sudah cukup puas
Aku kan lain
Kau pun lain
Memang,
Memang tak ada orang yang pernah puas
Tapi itu bukan hal aku
Aku tak nak sibuk hal kau
Jauh sekali berbaloi
Mungkin
Kau fikir demikian
Hakikatnya
Kau tak pernah tau.
Jauh beribu batu pun kau canang
Aku ada kisah
Sebab sudah cukup puas dengan apa yang kau ada
Puas hati bukannya akal fikiran
Hati yang dah berpolemik
Enteng sahaja benda itu
Kau peduli apa kan.
Dunia aku.Dunia kau.
Berbeza.
Solusinya bukan mudah.Mencari kan terkapai kapai inikan hendak memiliki.
Berbaloinya menunggu, bukan urusan aku hendakkan sibukkan.
Maka, aku berbeza.
Kau juga begitu.
Tiada salah tapi apakan daya takdir bukannya kau yang tentukan.
Hidup di atas muka bumi ni menumpang, lambat laun kau pasti ditelan bumi juga.
Paksi disini .
Kelak apa yang akan jadi.
A lot of things mingle in my mind right now.Like seriously, I never stop thinking and it's not a serious things actually.Just I'm being too paranoid.
Scared what will happen.
Scared I couldn't take it.
Scared I don't deserve for it.
Scared for being unhappy person.
Scared for being a fake person.
To do what I want to do is hard.
I need to escape from this place and go far away.A place where people didn't recognize me and accept me for who I am.
I always been dreaming about it but I don't know wether I could make it someday.
Tomorrow, interview again.Honestly, I didn't want to do the best cause I don't want to get that job.It's not worthy for me.
I'll just try my luck.Cause my passion is art.Any kind of art.Fashion, photography, drawing and others.
But who cares?
This cottage barely known.It was located at forest whom people will never dare to go.To much stories that frightened the villagers.Vampires, werewolf and others creatures.Despite the fact, the forest full with harmony and peace.It's beyond the people's expectation that could make you never leave this place for the rest of your life.
That cottage now was owned by a young girl who her parents has died.That young girl is very beautiful, her shape was every girls dream.Man wouldn't let go their eyes if they saw her..
But living alone 10 years after her parents died, she's wondering what it was like outside there.She's too lonely there.And she's just turn out 19 years old two days ago.
She's never leave the cottage for her entire life.Her life were dedicated at the cottage where she's grown up there.
The truth is her parents are witch.She couldn't leave that place too easily, her parent had prepared everything for her.If she's want to leave the place, she have to break the rules which she didn't even know.
The harmony of the place just within the cottage area but its big enough to explore.The fact is, vampire, werewolf and other creatures are exist at that forest.Her parent use a power to protect the cottage area from all that things.
There is something that always make up my mind.
Barely I dont know.
Something that I couldn't explained.
Hard to tell.
Swirl in my mind.
You couldn't make it simple.
Nor am I
It just beyond my expectation.
Telling the whole world
There are second in your time
Where do you feel didn't want to do anything
Just lay down and sleep all the time
Let's what happen.
"Ara!!! Berita penting.Bigbang nak datang Malaysia.OMG, I should buy the tickets, quickly.."ujar Hanis sambil menunjukkan iphonenya kepada ku.aku mengeluarkan sampul surat berwarna putih dari beg tangan.
"Tak payah hanis..cuba check apa dalam sampul tu.."kataku.Hanis mengambil sampul tersebut dan mengeluarkan isinya.
"Argghhhhhh....seriously ARA.!! Where did you get it?Most importantly, VIP Guest plus with fans meeting directly. Omo, this is awesome."ujar HAnis.Melompat kegembiraan dia sambil mencium tiket tersebut.Ketawa kecil aku melihat telatah Hanis.
"Calm down Hanis."kataku.
"Hello.This is exciting! I wanna scream."
"Do you remember Miss Chan? She's the one who give it to me.She giving me those tickets as a tokens of appreciation."Beritahuku."and by the way, kau boleh ajak sesiapa je."Terdiam sekejap Hanis memandangku dengan penuh persoalan.
"Jangan cakap kau tak nak ikut.Aku nak ajak siapa lagi, tiket ni ada dua je kot.Lagipun Ara, those tickets for you not me.So, you should join and I will accompany you."Arah Hanis.
"Nope Hanis.Aku tak nak pergi.Kau ajaklah sesapa.Lagipun Jimmy sapa nak jaga? Konsert tu sampai tengah malam kot."Ujarku
"Ara...please! Please! Ikut ek.. I beg you."pinta Hanis dengan muka simpati.
"No.."balasku pendek.
"Jimmy, kita suruh babysitternya jaga overtime.I will pay for that, suruh si Sarah tu tidur sini.Amacam?"Cadang Hanis.Mukanya penuh pengharapan.
Aku bukannya apa, kalau pergi konsert tu aku bakal berjumpa dia.Dah 2 tahun aku elakkan diri, takkan nak tonjolkan diri tiba tiba.Tapi, mungkin juga dia dah tak kenal muka aku.Aku kan dah bertudung sekarang.
"Please Ara.Sekali sekala kau join apa salahnya? Lepas ni aku janji aku tak akan ajak kau lagi.Ini last time kau temankan. Ok, deal?"pinta Hanis lagi."One more, aku akan buat semua kerja dekat rumah ni satu minggu.Masak, laundry dan semuanya."tambah Hanis.
Emmmm.tawaran menarik dari Hanis.Boleh aku rehat seminggu..takpelah, aku akan pergi.Dia mesti tak kenal muka aku dah tu.Lagipun aku sebenarnya rindu nak tengok muka dia.
"Ok, deal.I will go.You pay to Sarah and you do the housechore one week.It's a deal."tekadku.Tersenyum kegembiraan Hanis.
I'm in Malaysia right now.Dah 2 tahun sejak aku tinggalkan T.O P.Tempat tinggal pun aku sembunyikan dari dia.Awal awal tu ada lagi dia cuba hubungi aku tapi aku dah buang nombor lama.Apa yang aku tau aku tak nak diganggu.
Biarlah perhubungan ni terputus di tengah jalan.jadi, sekarang aku hidup sendiri.Tinggal di apartment millik keluarga yang dah jadi milikku.Kedua orang tuaku dah meninggal dunia dan aku pula anak tunggal.Saudara mara yang lain ada tapi tak banyak dan tak banyak tahu yang aku dah kahwin.
"Yaaaa..waegurae? Oppa?"ujar satu suara.aku yang sedang duduk menonton televisyen hairan melihat perlakuan teman serumahku ini.Hanis menghempaskan punggungnya disebelahku sambil memegang majalah.Hanis jelah satu satunya kawan aku yang paling rapat.
"Kau dah kenapa? Emosi sangat ni? Boyfriend kau curang eh?"tanyaku.
"Choiii, cakap tu baik baik sikit eh.Boyfriend aku setia hokayyyy.Ni hah, kekasih gelap aku ada skandal.arggg I can't accept it..oppa, nomu saranghae..kenapa kau sanggup buat macam ni?"balas Hanis sambil menunjukkan poster seseorang dalam majalah tersebut.Aku malas nak tengok, lebih baik aku tengok tv.Jus oren yang terletak di meja aku ambil."ara, tengoklah ni.T.O.P dengan skandal dia."kata Hanis.Beria ia menunjukkan gambar poster tersebut.
Mendengar saja nama T.O.P disebut, aku tersedak.Terbatuk batuk aku jadinya.
"Eh, kau dah kenapa pula.tersedak bagai.terkejut eh aku cakap T.O.P ada skandal.kau pun minat dia eh?"tanya Hanis pula.Bukan ditolongnya aku, ambilkan air kosong ke apa.
"Eh, taklah.Jus ni masam sangat.boleh tak tolong ambilkan air kosong? Kau ni dah tak care ke dengan kawan kau sorang ni?"pintaku.
"Sorry..sorry...aku pi ambil ek.kejap."ujar Hanis.Bergegas Hanis ke dapur mengambil air kosong.Tidak lama kemudian, dia menghulurkan segelas air kepadaku.Aku masih terbatuk kecil.Aku teguk rakus air kosong tersebut.
"Thanks.."ucapku sambil meletakkan gelas tersebut diatas meja.
"Dah okay ke?"tanya Hanis pula.
"Dah.."
"Ara, tengoklah T.O.P ni.ishhh, geram aku ngan perempuan ni.Tak habis habis dengan skandal lagi.Sekarang ni dengan T.O.P pula."Luah Hanis.Aku pandang majalah tersebut.Diam.tak terkutik.."eh, Jimmy mana? Rindulah keletah dia yang comel tu, dahlah muka macam korean.ishh, nak je aku cubit berabis pipi budak tu."tanya hanis.aku hanya tersenyum mengenangkan jimmy aka azim irhan, anakku.
"Ada kat bilik, tengah tidur.Kot ye pun geram ingatlah sikit.sampai hati kau nak cubit pipi dia kan.Taulah anak aku kiut macam mummy dia."balasku.Jangan tanya siapa bapanya sebab korang pasti dah tau.memanglah muka korean sebab bapanya memang korea pun.jadi, genetik pun tak larilah.Cuma Hanis yang tak tahu siapa suami aku.
"Hehe, sorrylah.Dah anak kau kiut sangat kalah mummy dia, nak buat camna."puji Hanis.topik tentang T.O.P sudah dia lupakan.aku menarik muncung.pura pura berjauh hati dengan Hanis.
"Habis aku tak kiutlah.Anak aku je yang dipuji."balasku.
"Alolo.Mummy satu orang ni pula merajuk pula.Wahai sahabatku Azrah Huriyah, kau bukan kiut tapi kaulah wanita paling cantik yang pernah aku jumpa in real life.Kau sweet, baik, peramah, penyayang and banyak lagi.so, don't be sad honey.kau kawan yang paling baik buat aku."Luah Hanis sejujurnya.Terharu aku dibuatnya.
Waktu aku mengandungkan Azim, dialah yang paling banyak menolong.Hanis tak pernah banyak tanya siapa bapa Azim meskipun aku tahu dia teringin sangat nak tahu.Dan sekarang Azim Irhan dah berumur 1 tahun lebih.
Aku pandang T.O.P yang mundar mandir dari tadi dengan tangannya memegang suratkhabar dan sebelah tangannya lagi menelefon managernya.Berita yang terpapar di dada akhbar benar benar menggugat kesabarannya.Aku menghampiri T.O.P.
"T.O.P , I need to talk to you. I mean we need to talk."ujarku.TO.P berhenti mundar mandir.Matanya menatap tajam mataku.Aku apa lagi, rasa tak selesalah.
"What! Don't you see I'm buzy.talk with you later.I have something important to discuss with my manager."balasnya.aku mengeluh perlahan..Biar apa pun, perkara ini harus diselesaikan.
"This is about us..."kataku.
"Hyung, call you later.I've something to do.but whatever it is, please resolve it quickly.I don't care as long as all that nonsense things disappear."arah T.O.P.Dia pandang aku tajam."Now, talk! What you want to tell me?"ujarnya sedikit tegas..
"I think we need a time.With all this thing happen, I think I should go.I will go back to Malaysia next week."beritahuku terus terang."and I'm sorry for everything.I will let you go.."
"You're leaving and you didn't tell me your plan.How could you?"
"Please..it's the right time.I never expect marrying you will ending like this.Because of you, I was too far from my family, and my religion.I was happy marrying you but living as a secret wife is not what I want.And sometime, I thought you didn't love me."ujarku.air mata mula membasahi pipi.ya, apa gunanya terus bertahan lagi.Aku tak tahu apa yang membuatkan T.O.P bersetuju mengahwini aku sedangkan dia boleh dapat gadis yang lebih cantik.Malahan sanggup menukar agamanya.
Aku juga yang buta, bernikah tapi hal agama tak dipandang berat.Solat entah kemana, aurat tak ditutup, halal haram makanan tak terjaga.Yea, aku benar benar hanyut.Sepatutnya, aku ajak T.O.P berubah cara hidup, bukan setakat ubah agama.benar benar jahil.
"And you leaving me when all this crappy things happen.I thought you would understand me.why suddenly you talk about religion? I'm a muslim and I'm marrying you.is it not enough?"balasnya.
"T.O.P, muslim is not just about that.Can you let go your lifestyles? I know you can't.so, this is the right decision.we need space."T.O.P terdiam lama.begitu juga aku.
Apa yang bermain di mindanya aku tak tahu.Apa yang aku tahu aku nak semuanya berakhir dengan cepat.hampir setengah jam berdiam diri, T.O.P mengeluarkan kata katanya.
" I will let you go right now but I will never let your heart go away from me.remember, whatever it is I always love you.you can go but we're still husband and wife and nothing can change that."ujar T.O.P.aku pandang dia.T.O.P menghampiri aku.Tangannya menyeka air mataku yang turun.
'Oh god, I love this man from the bottom of my heart.he's the only one for me.But nothing can compared my love to you.how I'm too sinned to you.forgive me.Ya Allah, berikanlah hidayah kepada suamiku agar dia berubah.'doaku dalam hati sambil memandang sang suami.Bibir T.O.P menyentuh dahiku lama.
Aku mengemaskan pinggan-pinggan yang berada di atas meja.Mangkuk besar berisi kimchi aku tutup.Tak larat dah nak habiskan.Makan kimchi banyak banyak boleh buat aku muak, almaklumlah tekak ni bukannya tekak korea.Makanan Malaysia juga yang dicari.
"Done eating?"tanya T.O.P tiba tiba.Aku yang tengah mengemas terkejut dengan sapaan T.O.P yang tiba tiba.TAnganku mengurut dada.
"Yea.totally.thanks for the food by the way.Awak tak reti nak bagi salam ke? Sakit jantung saya tau.."ujarku sambil menyambung kembali tugas yang terhenti tadi.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to startled you.So, seems like you didn't listen to my words."katanya.aku mengerutkan dahi memandang wajahnya.shuttttt ..looking at his face straight forward make me melt.ohh my heart.how many time you have fallen for this man?
"What do you mean?"tanyaku lagi walaupun aku sudah dapat tangkap apa yang ingin dikatakannya.saja nak berborak lama.
"Kimchi.there are few more left.Why you didn't eat all?"
"I'm too full.sorry."balasku sambil tersengih.Pinggan dah habis dicuci tapi aku masih berdiri dihadapan kimchi.Manakala T.O.P pula berdiri menghadapku.oh my, kenapa muka dia makin dengan aku ni, ke aku yang terlajak ke depan ni? Shutttt.my heart beating so fast.he's really infront of me.tak sampai 3 inci dekatnya.
"I said you will get something if you leave any food, right??so, are you ready?"
"What? Just say it.I don't care."
"I will kiss you."shutttt.cium, lebih dari suka.
"Ok.I don't care.kiss me now." Ujarku sambil menunjukkan pipi.
T.O.P mendekatkan mukanya ke mukaku.Aku tutup mata.Malu sebenarnya.Tiba tiba aku terasa hairan.what's on my lip? Why it feel so sweet.aku buka mata.bibir T.O.P melekap dibibirku.Mataku membuntang.Pantas aku tolak dirinya.T.O.P tersengih sambil memegang bibirnya.
"What are you doing? You supposed to kiss me in cheek, not my......"mati kata ku.malu sungguh rasanya.
"Who said? And by the way, it's not only once but depends on how much you left the food"katanya.mulutku ternganga.
"But it countless, how I supposed to count it?"
"Yea, so I will kiss you countless at anytime.:Balas T.O.P.Pipiku mula blushing.oh my, it's so hot..aku kipas kipas mukaku.
Aku mengintai kelibat T.O.P di sebalik pintu.Mencari peluang untuk ke dapur.PErut ni dah berdondang sayang sejak tengahari tadi.Sekarang dah jam 3.45 petang.Aku mengusap perlahan perutku yang sedang menahan kelaparan.Hai perut, sabarlah ye.
Pintu dibuka perlahan-lahan tidak mahu mengeluarkan sebarang bunyi.Langkah yang diatur pun satu-satu menuju ke dapur.Takut mengejutkan T.O.P yang sedang tidur pulas di atas sofa.
Aku memandang ke arah meja makan.stick note berwarna biru yang melekat di tudung saji menarik perhatianku.
"Eat this ...I don't want to see any leftover food.If not,there's something for you."
-me-
'Gila mamat ni.makanan banyak ni dia suruh habiskan.matilah.taulah aku lapar tapi aku bukannya monster nak makan banyak..baby, I'm not a monster..lalalala.'Lah ternyanyi la pula lagu Bigbang ni.ni penangan laki akulah ni.
Just recently, I saw it.but not in the physical way..
I've been forgetting it for such a long time.I miss it.
And I'm being so jelous.
Deep inside my heart, why I cant be like somebody else.my life is totally suck.
I just feeling wanna cry for no reason.
Ups to me.
Just cry out loud.
Get out all those feeling.
I don't need you.
For god sake, I've been too stressed.
All things get messy.
People never know.
What I show is not what I feel.
It's hidden deep inside me.
I...
When inspiration comes from me.yeah, I think.cause everything that I do, there will be someone will follow.
From photography, arts, cooking and many more.
Quick situation
I've been doodling names and others last year, then this person start to doodling too making her works..whuuuut? Don't you have any ideas.
So yeah, I was their inspiration.I was the starter to everything.
I was thinking when I was a little child 10 years ago.like seriously, I never thinking what I want to be but all I know is I was into some kind of art.any type of arts.
Fuhhh.it was a long story.So, what I've remember back then when I was in the kindergarden, my drawing has been submited by my teachers in newspaper and my mother keep it.But now, I don't know where the newspaper.if I'm not mistaken, the title is 'My Home'.
Then, when I was in the secondary school, I entered a drawing competition about healthy food.Seriously, I was too blur at that time and I dont remember much about that.it just one of my memories.
Middle school, I never join any activities regarding arts because I didn't take arts subjects.But form 4 and 5, although its not Drawing but still considered as arts, I took RekaCipta's subject.
It was hell ya, I'm just spit out all my skill drawing eventhough I didn't get any proper education about arts.so I envy those people who take Drawing cause I never get the chance.
But I never thought that I will have the chance to take Visual arts subject.So mind you, I was like ' oh yeah.this is gonna be fun'.it was like a dream.totally.I'm the happiest person to the max.
Great teacher, great friends and what a wonderful experience.those 1 and half years I got never been bored.atleast I've thanked for what I got eventhough there's some situation I would never forgotten.
So now.at this age, I still thinking.arts
What an embarassing moment that I just through.weeee.it's become messy and super duper annoying.I wish I could erase it from my mind.
May Allah ease the way...
The road i've taken maybe not what I really want..
But it's what have been written for me.
It's my own path.
I'm the one who will through this .
Either I get it or not, it doesn't matter.
I'm just doing my best and will do the best.
Note to myself, please don't give up too easy.Please strengthen your heart and yourself.Be prepare for whatever reason.
The day never looking back.
So, we should do the same thing.
You should be careful with the upcoming days.
Prepare the best.
Not remember what you had failed before this.
But remember what you got.
The most important thing.
EXPERIENCE
Make it as your inspiration to do better next time.
Make it as your role model.
Everyday you're going to through is not same.
It always have different stories.
And it's depend on yourself by the way.
Make it different, everybody.
LIVE YOUR LIFE.
Another story you shouldn't tell anyone.You don't have the right! Althought you hate it so much, you just shouldn't do that.behave please.think deeply.
I was like 'oh my god, what is going on? You totally mess up with the wrong person.'Not that I want to defend anybody but when it involves someone who I care too much, the most important person in my life, seriously you're going to dead.bet me, I'll do that.
I don't even want to look at your face.why? Cause you've been hurting her..hissshhhh, for crying out loud, you all should just get out from this house and try to live on yourself.bloodsucker.never realised what they got here.never appreciate.not even once.try to stand up on yourself outside there and feel what it was like.
Living here, you never feel the lack of food, shelter and even an entertainment.so, you think these era are being so easy on someone like you.please..you don't even want to imagine what was it feel like.hell.
It is better if just two of us here.no one want to interfere.freedom.free to do anything.bloodsucker.get out from here.
I'm getting bored with all of you.get you own life, dudes.
I'm serious about what i've been talking.
If you want to live peaceful, pack ur bags and stuff and go.go anywhere.go until you got your own sense back.don't leave anything here.it's better.
And you, you know you have been doing a mistake but not even once you want to apologize to her.what kind of human you're.? Seriously she's never like you the moment you get married with her son.never.me neither.
All of you make me disgusted.
If I can get you out from here , it's my honour to do that.I'll totally do it.
Then, I will destroy this house and built our own house.my own house.I'll try to make her happy.
Yet another life i've to go through.just going to do anything.people keep asking what i'm going to do, further my study or what else? Don't make me confused. Pleases.I know myself .I know what I want.
I hope there's no one want to interfere in my life.it's my decision, so please have some respect on what I'm doing.Its not going to kill you either.just please stay away.
I have my own reason.
I always having this kind of situation lately.Do what I want or do what people want? It's on myself actually but when people keep giving me pressure, I just can't handle it.I just can't go through.
I've been dreaming about something what I really want to do.I'm kinda into arts.My passion.just like what i've been said in my previous entry, I can't work under people.
So, when you're involved into arts , it's something that you can't run.brahhhhhhh.I got no ideas to write anyway, so let's just end it here.till then
Okay....not so well nowadays.not in the good mood probably.but who cares other than myself, righto???
I just have to stand and make myself stronger to go through my life.it's not like i'm being unthankful for what I've given but i'm feeling stressed these days.
I feel lost.feel tired.
I just have to do...
Feeling so empty these day.maybe just because im not intended to make any contact to His.too far away from His.forgetting it all about...too much sin i've been doing.still no regret.
Im lost in my own lifetime.
I'm lost in my own world
What do you expect?
I'm being me is not just so me.how could I do that? Where's myself?
I need a motivator.have to straighten myself from depression. Not depression yet just almost.braaahhhhh, give me a time.lalalalala, don't be insane, honeyyyy..gaaaaaaaaaa, be somebody else.yourself is not good enough.
Ok, it`s been a long time i didn't post any entry.so, here i am.updating my current life but nothing to proud of yet.just a typical life of village's girl.
It is a holy month right now and i was in the last second week of my job.thank god, i have the chance to earn some money while i still didn't continue my study yet.
Talking of study, the result of upu will be out this afternoon.honestly speaking, i didn't put too much hope for that cause i know what is my result.but, if i get the chance to continue my study, i will do the best.
I still wondering what i want to do if i didn't get the chance.i know there are many job oppurtunity if you work hard to find it but society's mindset now is a little bit different.
Working with government is the most safety job to do.every month, you didn't have to be worried cause you will get your salary at the right time.
But as for me, i cant work under people's control.it is akward.totally.im more comfortable to work in my way.im different.i dont know how to communicate very well with another person.im not too friendly with people.yea, true.thats me
P/s : only a person who really knows me will understand me.sigh
